


Transformation (Let It Go)

by hazykay25



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Horses, M/M, Romance, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 17:12:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazykay25/pseuds/hazykay25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uzamaki Naruto works at the Uchiha Estate stables training horses for a living. He is haunted by a past he can't let go, and afraid to face an uncertain future. Despite being surrounded by people who love him, every day is a struggle. When Uchiha Sasuke returns home from University for summer break, Naruto is forced to face himself once more. Can he learn to let go and let himself be happy at last?</p>
<p>Author's Note: This is a revised copy of a story I posted on Fanfiction.net several years ago called Possession. You can find the original story under the penname Blue Favonian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Transformation (Let It Go)

Chapter One: Out of Touch

~~~

 

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;  
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

The Old Astronomer to his pupil by Sarah Williams

~~~

Clouds of dust swirled in the late afternoon sun, as the sound of erratic hoof beats penetrated the late afternoon quiet. Delicate nostrils were flared and sniffing the air nervously as the pert little ears pricked forwards.

  
"Whoa there boy," Naruto spoke softly and soothingly. "Steady, steady."

  
At the sound of his voice, the unsettled colt seemed to calm a little, and the creature stepped forward inquisitively. As the young horse approached him, Naruto took a moment to admire his beauty. The horse's pure white coat gleamed with a healthy and well-cared for shine; the mane and tail were flowing sheets of silk which swayed gently with each movement the creature made.

  
The colt was the most recent addition to the Uchiha stables and it had fallen upon Naruto's shoulders to train him. Not that he minded at all. It was a pleasure to spend his time training such a splendid animal.

  
He offered his hand for the colt to smell; that slim neck stretched out cautiously and breathed his scent in before moving slightly closer. They were still getting to know each other, and Naruto wanted to take it slowly with the young horse. It was important that the creature trusted him, and became accustomed to his presence as it would be important in the later stages of the training.

  
Naruto rubbed the bright-eyed colts face with a smile on his face. For as long as he could remember, he had loved horses. It did not matter to him that he was a lowly stable hand at the Uchiha's rich estate. Why would he complain? Not only did he get to work with the sleek, gorgeous horses but he also received free board and meals, as well as a small pay check

  
The colt shoved at his shoulder playfully and Nruto chuckled.

  
"I think you and I will get along just fine."

  
The colt snorted in reply and Naruto smiled again.

  
"Come on. It's time I put you to bed for the night."

  
He gathered up the equipment he had been using and began to lead the colt back along the path.

  
When he was working with horses, especially young and excitable ones like this one, Naruto preferred to take them away from the noise and distraction of the stables. There was less of a chance of the horse spooking and bolting. However, once the colt trusted him that would all change. There would be no point in sheltering him from new experiences, as that would only result in behavioural issues later.

  
Naruto was in love with the estate that he worked for and he had been from the moment he had set foot here almost two years ago. It was the largest estate around, filled with acres of beautiful forests, open fields and landscaped gardens. Beautiful red maple trees and Sakura trees provided plenty of shade during the warmer months. Ponds and waterfalls bubbled quietly away to themselves, while many different varieties of fragrant flowers grew in the garden beds.

  
Whenever Naruto wasn’t working, he slipped away to an isolated and sheltered corner to sit under the Sakura trees and watch the petals gracefully flutter to the ground. Everything was neat in the gardens. But the rest of the property, the forests and the open fields, they had an untamed, wild beauty. Sometimes Naruto would just walk and walk for hours, discovering things and places he hadn't reached the last time.

  
The stables and paddocks designated to the horses faced west and backed out onto a large proportion of the forested area. The stables and arenas were not visible from the mansion as they were shielded from view by the extensive gardens. The working section of the estate was completely separate from the rest of the living areas that the Uchihas occupied. They even had their own access road so that the work vehicles and trailers were not sharing a driveway with the expensive luxury cars that the family owned.  
It was days like these when Naruto felt like life was worth living, like he could forget all of his worries and disregard the past. The warm afternoon sun basked everything in its golden glow and lit the sky a fiery orange. A gentle breeze stirred the trees gently, and lifted the strands of hair from his forehead.

  
Back at the stables, his friends would be talking and laughing as they carried out the last of the day’s chores. Horses would be getting their evening grooming, rugs being put on, feeds would be measured out, the floors swept and equipment cleaned.

  
After that the evening meal would be served up in the servant's quarters at the house. Although the stable hands lived in the dorms by the stables, they took the majority of their meals with the household servants.

  
Naruto's stomach grumbled impatiently at the thought of food and he rubbed it ruefully. He'd skipped lunch so he could spend more time with the colt. Beside him, the colt snorted and shook his head. He was completely calm and relaxed. A different horse than the one he'd faced a few minutes ago. The wind had blown a broken branch into its line of vision and had effectively panicked the colt into a bout of frenzied rearing and dancing.

  
'Silly thing,' Naruto thought affectionately. 'I wonder why they haven't named you yet? I can think of a dozen fitting names for you at this very moment.'

  
Although he felt peaceful and calm at the moment, tomorrow was inspection day at the stables. Uchiha Itachi, in the place of his father who was often away on business, would be visiting the stables to give the complex a thorough inspection. This happened every month, and if the head of the family Fugaku wasn't available to do it, then his oldest son Itachi would do it instead.

  
The Uchihas were all skilled riders, and it wasn't surprising seeing as horse riding was a popular sport among the upper classes. All of the family had competed at some point in their life, and several at the Olympic level, but more importantly, horses were often seen as a status symbol. The more expensive the horse, the more wealthy the owner. Breeding famous ex-racehorses or ex-competition horses could rake in millions if it was done strategically enough.

  
Exactly how horse riding related to the world of the wealthy was beyond Naruto. What would he know? He was only a stable boy after all, and he was content to remain so. These days the Uchiha stable was somewhat neglected by Fugaku, and his horses were kept mainly as collectibles. His wife played a more active role in keeping the stables alive and running.

  
Naruto often assisted in preparing horses for hacks and pleasure rides for people staying at the Uchiha estate. He also readied the horses for the regular dressage and jumping that many of the Uchiha family did. But the days of rigorous competition attendance were long past.

  
The colt neighed loudly, effectively startling Naruto out of his thoughts. An answering call came from the stables, which had come into view as they rounded a bend in the path. The colt picked up its pace as if it knew that it was time for its evening meal.

  
The wide dirt road led into the stable yard and the excited colt pulled at the lead rope. Naruto held him in check, and attempted to calm him as he led him through the wide double doors of the stable. He stopped the let Genma pass with an armload of tack.

"How was he today?" Genma called as he headed for the tack room.

  
"Better," Naruto replied. "We're making some progress, at least."

  
"I'm not surprised. You're an excellent trainer, kitten!" Genma replied over his shoulder.

  
Naruto blushed hotly as he led the colt into his clean stall. He didn't hate that nick name, but when Genma said it like that, he always found himself blushing. That nickname had come from Kakashi when he had first started working here, and it had stuck.

  
A sharp, impatient nudge from the colt got his attention and he got to work grooming the creature. He settled into the hypnotizing rhythm of the brush strokes, and breathed in the smell of clean horse. He'd always loved the smell of horses and the leather of the tack. It was familiar to him, and one he'd known since his childhood. It had been a long day and all he really wanted was a hot shower and a quiet evening curled up with a book. That would have to wait awhile though. He still had things that needed to be done.

  
After giving the tired colt a thorough grooming, he strapped on his cotton rug, and stepped out of the stall. Cheerful chatter and laughter reached his ears as he shut the stable door.

  
He slipped into the cool darkness of the tack room to pack away his grooming kit and hang the equipment up in their designated places.

  
"Naruto?" a voice called.

  
"I'm here."

  
Sakura, Tenten and Shikamaru joined him in the room.

  
"You ready to go?" Sakura asked brightly. "You know Iruka likes us to be clean for dinner."

  
"Just about. What about the others?"

  
" 'Kashi and Raidou haven't come back from town yet," Shikamaru replied.

  
"They were picking up the feed weren't they?" Tenten frowned. "It doesn't take three hours to pick up a few sacks of grain!"

  
"You know them," Sakura rolled her eyes. "They’re always getting distracted by something. And they’re always late."

  
"It's amazing they haven't been fired yet," Shikamaru grumbled.

  
"Whatever," Tenten grumbled. “It’s Iruka’s wrath that they’ll suffer if they make him wait too long.”

  
Sakura smiled secretly at Naruto. Those two had always had something between them but neither had done anything about it or even admitted their feelings for one another. Sakura was getting impatient and was bound to start scheming soon as she often had no patience when it came to games of the heart. Naruto was content to just leave them alone and let them sort things out on their own. He was a private person himself and always made a point to respect other people’s privacy.

  
"What about Kiba?" he asked quietly.

  
"Genma sent him up to the house a little while ago. He managed to get clobbered by that psycho bitch of a mare, Michiko" Tenten said disdainfully.

"Is he okay?"

  
"Yeah, just a little bruised and put out. Nothing he can't handle," Shikamaru stood up.

  
"Oi! You kids ready? I'm locking everything up," Genma called.

  
"Kids?" Tenten huffed as she shared a dark look with Sakura. They broke into a run as they went after Genma who was wise enough to take off when he saw them coming. Naruto shared a sympathetic wince with Shikamaru as they followed at a more sedate pace; Genma would be in considerable pain if they managed to catch up to him.

  
The sun was finally setting, signalling the end of another day. The sight of the disappearing sun made Naruto feel a little melancholy. During the day, Naruto could distract himself with the pleasures of his daily routines, but at night there was nothing to keep him from losing himself in his thoughts and memories.

  
He followed the others along the wide path that led through the trees to the mansion. Naruto walked a little behind his friends. The girls were still bickering with Genma with Raidou throwing in a few teasing comments now and then to stir things up again. Shikamaru merely yawned and pretended to ignore them whilst really not missing a thing.

  
None of this was unusual but he still felt the heavy weight of familiar sadness settling around him once more. He always felt those old responsibilities and failings of his when he had spent too much time thinking. He should be happy. He had everything he longed for after many years - security, caring friends and a job he loved. But letting go of the past was something that was always easier said than done, and no matter what you did old ghosts had a habit of sneaking up on you when you least expected them to.

  
He jumped slightly when a strong arm slung itself around his neck. After identifying who it was, he smiled at the newcomer.

  
"Yo," Kakashi grinned lopsidedly at him.

  
"Hey."

  
"What's happening?" Kakashi said, lazily eyeing the group ahead of them.

  
"Nothing much. I'd hide from Sakura and Tenten though."

  
"Don't tell me why. I can already guess," Kakashi groaned with a slight wince.

  
Naruto smiled at him gently.

  
"The sooner you face them…"

  
"The better, yeah I know," Kakashi sighed before focusing on Naruto. "How was your day?"

  
Kakashi's white hair glowed brightly in the setting sun, and his one eye was watching Naruto closely. His other eye was hidden behind a chunk of long hair which hung down over the side of his face, partially hiding an old faded scar that ran the length of his face. He was a handsome, tall man and from the moment Naruto had met him it had seemed like Kakashi knew him better than he knew himself. It had made him nervous at first but he now knew that Kakashi was as good at reading people as he was at reading horses. He didn't need to explain anything to Kakashi, because he always seemed to know exactly what he was feeling at any given moment.

  
"Good. I got a lot of things done," he replied quietly.

  
Kakashi sighed and straightened, releasing Naruto. For a moment, Naruto missed the warmth of the other man but then was glad to have regained his personal space. Sometimes he craved contact with other people but most of the time he preferred people not to touch him.

"You need to relax, Naruto. Not everything's about work."

  
"I know that. But we have the inspection tomorrow and…"

  
He was cut off by the sound of Kakashi smacking his own forehead.

  
"Shit! I completely forgot!" he swore and Naruto grinned.

  
Sakura's head whipped around at Kakashi's rather loud curse.

  
"Kashi? Is that you?"

  
Kakashi tensed for a brief moment before taking off at a flat out run towards the mansion, Sakura hot on his heels and yelling death threats at his retreating back.

  
Naruto lifted his eyes to the mansion. It was an elegant building three stories high and it sprawled over quite a large area. The entrance faced south, and the large sweeping driveway, lined with red maple trees, swept all the way up to the front doors before curving away to the garage tucked away out of sight. It had always reminded Naruto of a hotel, even though he had never seen much of it. He only ever entered the kitchen and the mess hall meant to be used by the hired help. The household servants stayed in the servant’s quarters near the kitchen.

  
Naruto felt as if his tiredness was bone deep as he trudged through the kitchen courtyard to the kitchens. The others had already disappeared into the dining hall, their conversation filling the hallways.

  
He slipped through the small adjoining hall to the kitchen where Iruka, Kurenai and Choiji were finishing preparing the meal.

  
Iruka was in charge of running the household, but Choji was the real ruler of the kitchen. Iruka, being the person that he was, didn't mind in the slightest and happily let Choji do as he would.

  
Naruto slid himself onto a vacant stool that sat out of the way. The kitchen was large and industrial sized and housed every single top of the line expensive cooking implement you could imagine and more. Naruto was a little uncomfortable here, even in the casual atmosphere that always accompanied the meals. He didn't like to touch anything in the mansion for fear of breaking or dirtying it.

  
After a moment, Iruka came over to him bearing a warm smile and a cup of iced water.

  
"Hey there," Iruka greeted him as he handed him the cold glass. Naruto smiled gratefully.

  
"Thanks."

  
"How was your day?"

  
"Long. Busy. How was yours?"

  
Iruka ran a hand over his messy ponytail and sighed.

  
"Hectic. I have not sat down in hours. The house has been in an uproar."  
Naruto licked moisture from his lips and frowned in confusion.

  
"Why?"

  
"No one knows. We've been cleaning like demons all day, preparing guest rooms and the like." Iruka scowled. "No doubt they'll decide to tell us why at the last moment."  
Naruto grinned and Iruka smiled back, ruffling his hair affectionately.

  
"Never mind. Come on, let's get some dinner into you. You're scrawny," Iruka teased as he pulled Naruto towards the door.

  
"Huh?"

  
"Anyone would think we weren't feeding you properly."

  
Naruto followed him obediently into the hall. Iruka was not one to cross. He was a kind, friendly, dedicated and hardworking man, but you didn't want to get on his bad side. When he got mad, people had a tendency to do exactly as he asked because he had one hell of a mouth on him.

  
The servants dining hall consisted of one long table and was surrounded on three sides by windows, providing a view of the gardens.

  
The servants and stable hands were all good friends, kind of like a makeshift family so the atmosphere was always relaxed and comfortable. He seated himself between Kurenai and Tenten, and proceeded to serve himself. Now he was craving peace and quiet but he sighed inwardly and resigned himself to at least another hour of noise and company.  
It was completely dark outside by the time the meal was finished. Everyone was still sitting around talking and drinking. Naruto got up and quietly headed towards Iruka, Kakashi and Asuma.

  
He noted the intense gaze Kakashi had fixed upon Iruka and the responding faint blush dusting Iruka's cheek bones. Perhaps there was something developing there as well, although Naruto would not be asking for details any time soon. He wasn't uninterested, he just had too many issues of his own to deal with.

  
  
He leant over Iruka's shoulder.

  
"I'm turning in for the night," he said quietly in his ear.

  
"Okay." Iruka turned his head and kissed his temple lightly. Naruto didn't mind; Iruka was like a surrogate parental figure to him, so he was okay with such displays of affection.

  
"Night."

  
"Sleep well, Naruto."

  
He nodded and slipped out of the mansion. The cold night air hit his skin and he shivered. He'd always preferred warmth to the cold. Summer and spring to autumn and winter. Although the snow was always pretty, the cold, dark days often made him gloomy.

  
The trek back to the stables and the sanctuary of his bedroom seemed long, but in reality only took ten minutes. Before he retired to his room for the night, he let himself into the stables and inhaled the scent of warmth and horse. He loved this smell.

  
_His father used to smell sweetly of horse and fresh hay…_

  
The horses were settled and quiet for the night, and he moved from stall to stall, checking that all was well. Knowing that they were all comfortable, he decided it was time for his shower.

  
There was ample room in the living quarters. Each had a room of their own and they all shared three bathrooms between them. The rooms were comfortable with wooden floorboards, and were furnished with modern commodities that made living there an enjoyable and comfortable experience.

  
After his short shower Naruto closed his door and looked around with a contented, if tired, sigh. His room was truly his home. The place he could run to whenever he felt threatened or upset. With the money he had earned and saved, Naruto had decorated his room to his tastes. Beautiful woven rugs in cool blues and purples were spread on the floor and he had bought matching pillows for his small couch. Thick comforters were thrown on his bed along with half a dozen pillows.

 

Books were tucked neatly into every available place. His other passion was reading. His thirst for books and reading was a trait passed on to him from his father, who had taught him the value of such things. He never let go of the lessons that his father had taught him, and this was no exception.

  
There were a few photo frames around the room of his friends, some horses, and perhaps the most treasured of all, photos of his father.

  
Naruto wandered over to his wardrobe and opened the door, revealing a full-length mirror on the inside of one of the doors. After a moment's hesitation, he let his towel drop and stared at the naked figure in the mirror.

  
No smile graced his features. For a while now he had found it hard to smile. His smiles these days didn't seem genuine, and he hated anything fake and superficial, so he found it easier not to try at all.

  
Deep, dark blue eyes stared back at him. They were different from his old eyes. His old eyes had seemed brighter and happier. Now, they just seemed quiet somehow. He sometimes scared himself, looking into his own eyes. They weren't eyes he knew anymore.

  
He was small for a nineteen year old. Years of handwork had left him fit and slender with lithe muscles. Working outdoors had given his skin a golden tan.

  
Reaching up, he ran a hand through his damp hair. Smooth, soft locks of sun kissed gold. As he did so, his eyes caught on the white scars marring the skin of his arm. He ran a thumb over them. There were many scars. They raised white lines on the golden skin which only made them more visible to the eye. He always wore long sleeved shirts to cover them up. He didn't want people to think they were recent, so he hid them from view. He hadn't cut himself for several years now, and he didn't want to remember why he had started in the first place, so he resumed staring at his face in the mirror.

  
He did not know this person. Not anymore. He definitely didn’t love him in any way, and he wasn’t sure that he ever would again. He felt like he didn't deserve it, and it was a war that he fought with himself every day just to get up and face a new day.

  
Old and painful memories nagged at the edge of his mind as he turned away from the mirror and fell onto his bed. He was too tired to deal with these old scars tonight. All he needed was a little sleep. A little rest and he would be able to get up tomorrow, ready to face it all once more. Ready to do battle with his demons with the coming of the new day.

  
But not tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a revised edition of a story I posted on Fanfiction.net called Possession. I have rewritten parts, added new bits and pieces, and corrected several mistakes. I have also messed around with the layout and changed the title. This is quite a long piece of work, so I will update it chapter by chapter as I revised them.  
> Please feel free to leave a review of kudos, as I would love to know what you think.


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